Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Beluga vs. Narwhal

  Was anyone aware of the scientific fact that Narwhals and Beluga whales are related somehow? Belugas are the brainy nerd side of the family(giant forehead) and Narwhals are the badass tough guys of the family(toothface). Who's gonna mess with a guy that's got a giant tooth/horn coming out of his face?
  Well actually I would.(only if he was messin with me though) I would roundhouse his head and while he was saying "Whoa, Dude what was that for?" I'd crane technique his horn/tooth right off. But that's just what me and Ralph Macchio would do.
  Also, has anyone ever seen a Beluga whale? It's just a dolphin with a giant forehead! What the? Is that all it takes these days to get upgraded from dolphin(boring) to whale(awesome!). I suppose the ICP guys were right. We can't trust scientists.(Playing favorites. Those a-holes.) Of course they upgraded the Belugas. They're probably all level 9 wizards on D and D.
  By the way, what is up with this painting? Seriously, Can that furry Narwhal even breath out of the water like that? I'm just saying it doesn't seem practical to walk around with a Narwhal in you arms. Other than that everything else seems pretty normal. You know, just a normal day out in the ocean with bubble-butterflies floating around.
  Anyway Belugas. Hope you're happy.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Cowboy Movies!!! nuff said.

I recently saw the movie True Grit. The new one with Jeff Bridges not the old one with that other guy John Something. (just kidding John Wayne. Don't get all T.O.ed and try to haunt me now.) It pretty much ruled. It had to. It was a cowboy movie and cowboy movies have a prerequisite to kick a certain amount of ass.(and by certain amount I mean 100%. Seriously they can't go less than that or people start dying)
   I started this painting a long time ago before I saw True Grit therefore it has nothing to do with the movie. It would be kinda awesome though if Jeff Bridges bought it for like $200,000.00, which is what I would sell it for if I hadn't already sold it to someone for significantly less than that. Oh well, We can thank the Coen Brothers for dropping the ball on that one.(How bout a little heads up next time guys?)
    By the way. You know what else rules? Candy. Specifically chocolate candy, like mint MnM's and Reeses PB cubs. Seriously it's peanut butter that just hangs out in cup made out of chocolate. What the bleep? How do people come up with this stuff?(don't answer that, it's rhetorical..... also, I don't care.) So here's a little shout out to Christmas for giving me one hell of  a candy hangover this weekend. You've done it again Christmas, congratulations.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

We're nuthin but the nerds they say we are.

   First of all, that statement is only true for everyone else. I probably rule much too hard to be a nerd. (Thanks to you toy lightsaber. You also rule and occasionally cut off peoples arms.) Another thing that also rules too much is Karate Kid. That movie is 50% kick you in the quadricep (You're welcome Josh Knotts) and 50% rule your face off.
  Anyway, I wanted to do a painting that captures the true essence of nerds everywhere. So I studied them closely for 1 year.(And by one year I mean 4 minutes at the Salt Lake Public Library.)Then I got distracted by a dude twirling glowsticks and then another dude with gigantic parachute pants and clown make-up. (I believe these to be the "peacock" of the nerd species.) I wanted to see what really makes a nerd tick and as it turns out they are really in to changing lightbulbs. Who Knew?! Weird right? You watch a nerd for 4 minutes, you're gonna see one change a lightbulb. That's the National Geographic of it. The rest of the stuff in this painting is purely speculation and conjecture. Cause as it also turns out nerds are pretty boring. Even within 4 minutes at the library, so you gotta start making stuff up. I mean, most nerds probably don't have a fish tank implant. Why would they? It's not practical.
  Anyway, This one is for you nerds. You finally got your respect.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

When you start subconsciously painting your coworkers, that's when you've gone too far.

   When you're an artist everyone loves you all the time. You don't really get any downtime to unwind and relax because being cool and popular is a full time job,( Plus a part time job, and an extra shift you pick up for that one guy who always seems to plan his ski trips the morning of. Also, when your boss calls you on your day off because someone called in sick.) But, as my good Friend Dave says "I get paid to rock the Nation" (Nope. Actually, the Nation hasn't paid me anything yet. Something about not giving tax returns to people who don't have a real job. I don't know what that means but it doesn't sound promising.).
    So anyway, everyone always wants to hang out with the super cool artist guy and they're all like "Hey Jonathon, why don't you come over this weekend and help me move. I'll buy you a Big Gulp." or "I'm having a party and I need someone to clean my house before anyone shows up. Can you help me out?" So even though you don't always feel like it, you gotta take care of your fan base.
    The painting above is about rocking the nation, but keeping a low profile by having a good disguise that makes you look like a girl hiding in a plant. You gotta be inconspicuous, trust me. Also, nobody is gonna mess with a girl hiding in a plant.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Perry Farrell Ruled in Janes Addiction (but not as much in my studio.)

   Sometimes you do a painting of Perry Farrell from Janes Addiction and you think to yourself " Hell yeah! That's rad! I Rule So Hard!" And then you go out and celebrate your amazing radness with a frozen pizza (one of those 99 cent ones) and a box of Hostess rasberry jelly filled donuts($2.99) and one of those litre size strawberry Shasta drinks(also .99 cents).(because how is that not a good idea at $4.97 in loose change? (mostly pennys)).
   Then as you lay on the floor wondering if maybe that wasn't such a good idea, you look at your painting and think "man, that thing is still as awesome as I thought it was 30 minutes ago." And that's when you start to notice everything that's wrong with it . But now you're too sick and lazy to fix it (also you might be falling swiftly into a diabetic coma).
     Well it's 5 years later and this portrait of Perry Farrel is still flawed and also still one of my favorite paintings. (Take that Chris Isaak and Lyle Lovett fans! This is not a picture of either one of those guys, so stop saying that.)
   And to this day Perry Farrell from Janes Addiction still comes to my studio to hang out and stink the place up when he takes off his shoes, and I'm like, "Really Perry? You can't just leave the shoes on while your here? This is a really small area with poor ventilation and you're just gonna take your shoes off? Now the whole place has a really nasty Doritos smell." (Perry doesn't care though cause he used to be in a really cool band.)
But what do you do? He was in Jane's Addiction......The End

Friday, November 5, 2010

Tonnage or Tom the Snail

I just like the word tonnage. That's it. Nuff said.
  My newest entry for the upcoming "Grind" show introduces us to Sam the snail... Nope, too much alliteration. He's Tom the snail and he's pissed. You can't tell though because he keeps it all bottled up. In fact he looks rather docile at the moment(Docile. Another great word. Not as great as tonnage though. Tonnage sounds like a karate chop to the spleen, so it wins.)  What's he so upset about? Look at that shell. That is the Winnebago of snail shells. And as my friend Shadna says "he's got a heart on" or at least he will if he keeps up the good work. I think he's pissed because he doesn't know what  the hell that black swan is doing. You never do with black swans. They're all mysterious like that and sometimes they eat snails. So thats kinda lame.
  Right now you're wondering why I haven't addressed the fact that his eye and lips are coming off. Maybe that's what's got Tom all riled up. Nope.  As usual, art is all about deeper meanings... Meaning, I don't know. I'm not a snail scientist.
  Anyway check back later when I learn everything about everything for a detailed explanation on the physiology of snails.

photography by Desarae Lee patron saint of snails and skateboards.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Blog 2 The Wrath of Cobra Scientist

Anyway, Here is a piece I just finished for my upcoming skate deck show "Grind" in December (with a bunch of other people because it's really a group show).The one where I win because some cute girls get in a fight over who will buy my board. Don't worry(why would you? It's a girl fight?) it ends well because they both concede to not only buy the deck and take turns skating with it, but offer to make out with me later. Everybody wins! (except their boyfriends)

What about the art on it Jonathon?

Yeah, what about it? It's awesome. Like Karate Kid.
 I'm aloud to say that because it's one of my favorites so far. Almost as favorite as Karate Kid. As my good friend Davy Baby says, "All you have to do is wash yourself". It pertains, trust me. the piece itself is a representation of how I feel when a tree is growing out of my shirt.( It sucks by the way, don't do it.)

Anyway I think that about sums it up.
Come to the Grind show on Saturday December 4th. There will be lots of rad decks for show and sale. Blindside is sponsoring the event. They're a skate shop. I assume there will be lot's of cute skater girls fighting. At least that's how I imagine it.

Later Skaters

Monday, November 1, 2010

What is with that cat? Is someone throwing it?

First day of the blog. Just figuring out how to use this thing. I'll be posting my art (new and old) and maybe talking about it a little. That's how I do. I'm like a gerbil that has escaped from the cage and now I'm hiding in your wall making annoying scratching noises and biting your toes when you're asleep. Somehow that's a metaphor for something. You know what I'm talking about because you're as crazy as I am. Long live the pencil and the paintbrush.